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Why is it hard for many of us to do things for ourselves before we do for others? Maybe we believe the “good” woman sacrifices herself for her family and, increasingly, for her work. “ In terms of our relationships, women often feel they’re responsible for everything- which is not a complete misunderstanding,” says nationally syndicated （为多家报刊供稿的）columnist and life coach Harriette Cole. “We are the ones who usually lead the way. But somehow we get from there to the idea that the world won’t work if we don’t help it along.

Taking on responsibilities that might be well or even better handled by others is one of the ways we begin to lose our balance and slide down the slippery slope from generosity to martyrdom（殉道）. Because women are likely to be the primary caretakers for husbands and children as well as for aging parents, we have ample opportunity to fall into the pattern of serving the people we love before we serve ourselves. But there are good reasons to be careful about that, “ If you always put someone else first, there’s a tendency for others to depreciate you , to lose respect, because respect for another comes from an understanding that that person has her own wishes, dreams, and desires,” says Ethel S. Person, MD, author of Feeling Strong: The Achievement of Authentic Power. Besides, why must there be only one person in first place at a time? “It’s possible to have equal concerns for yourself and for loved ones,” says Person. “There aren’t always conflicting priorities.”

In fact, being skilled at taking care of yourself may improve your ability to care for others; if you’re not fulfilled, you’re only able to see other people through your own needs. And studies suggest that not taking care of ourselves is unhealthy for those who depend on us. At the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston, researchers found that greater level of caregiver stress were associated with increased respiratory(呼吸的) problems among the babies in their charge.